It hurts here but not over there

Thursday- I awoke this morning to an incredible pain in my stomach. I thought I had just slept wrong but no it was persistent. Luckily I was already heading to the doctors. Luckily I was the first person there and again I was standing on line at an unlikely place (I stood online for 5 hours for a silly generator in home depot before hurricane Irene). I had to fill out paperwork then i waited... After the normal blood pressure and weight. Then I finally was able to see the doctor and he said I had an infection and gave me a prescription for antibiotics and I was on my way.
After waiting for my prescription I was on my way back to bed.
Sunday- I am feeling much better my energy is back and I feel great but I keep having these episodes where the pain in my stomach get so intense and so painful for maybe 15-20 minutes then it goes away. The whole episode lasts for about an hour then I'm fine. Weird. I also made an appointment for a gastroentrolgist. in November- it was the earliest appointment I could get. :/

I had plans for this past week to prepare for my new job but a severe fever and abdominal pain kept me in bed all week. I tried on all my work clothes and heels and most of them fit. I need to add heel pads in some of my heels. And some of my pants need to be tailored.

I am really really excited for Monday. I am a little nervous but I know I will adapt and do fine. A lot of people have a lot of faith in me and they know I can do it.

She stops and sings do doot do do do do
-Elle

Life goes on .....

Another day of feeling sick. I finally made an appointment with a gastroentolgist and I will be visiting a quick care doctor to see if there is an infection somewhere within me.

Bright point of my day: mommy found me soft (microwavable) pretzels from the health food store. I almost cried they were so gosh darn good!

God if you are really point me in the direction of really good gluten free pizza and not that fake crap either!

-Elle

A little bit stronger....

Today was another hard day for me. This is starting to become really worrisome for me. The day started out fine- I went to visit an old teacher of mine. We have stayed in contact over the past 5 years. It was a nice time. Then over the course of the day my tummy had its ups and down ( I learned that I cannot eat a half of bag of pepperoni [it's so darn good] thank god for tums) then tonight I was getting ready for bed and to watch my tv shows and I started to fell cold but I realized my body was very hot. This has happened for the past three days. It's over usually in an hour/ hour and a half. Mommy gave me her cool pad And I have been drinking water all night/day. I honestly do not know why this is happening. it actually scares me alot- what is happening to my body?! Especially because I start my full time job on Monday. What would I do if I got really sick at the courthouse??? This stressess me out even more!!!

I hope my insides finally calm down- I dont know what my tummy gets so angry. Mr. Tummy I promise I dont think I did anything to upset you.

What else can go wrong, honestly?!

An isle of calm in a sear of dispair.

-Elle

Today was a better day. I got up cleaned up my closet aka I tried on my clothes to make sure they fit and took out my summer clothes etc. Then I had the most yummiest lunch! Mommy made Nathan's bigger than the bun hot dogs minus the bun. They were soooooooo good. The last time I tried hot dogs they weren't that good but these were so good I had 2!!!! And even better they didn't make me sick!
I went to the gym, cleaners ( to see f she could take in my coat- she couldn't because it is too much work?! This is your job what do you mean this is too much work?!) and the post office to mail Brian's surprise mail.
Dinner was equally amazing- steamed flounder with string beans and baked potatoes.

Chances are if you're a good person good things will cone to you.

-Elle

Struggles

Today was a hard day for me. I woke up feeling great then I ate breakfast which was 2 waffels (which were gluten free) some maple syrup and butter on them with cherry juice. Half way through breakfast I started to not feel well but I was starving and I wanted to eat. I went back to bed and my stomach was hurting and I tried to relax. Lunch came around 2 and mommy made schar pasta with Mia Cucina sauce- this didn't go over too well. I ended up eating only half of my half plate and I couldn't eat any more. I was in such pain from god knows what. Being so frustrated with this whole lifestyle change I began to cry and scream. I wanted my old gluten filled favorites and I just can't seem to find decent replacement. I even went far as telling my parents I will just live on salad, apples, spinach, bananas, and water.
Another side effect thy makes me stay in bed is joint pain. When it's going to rain, when I eat something that was contaminated, when it's raining, etc. I feel as if I am a senior citizen. Both my mom and grandma had arthritis and I am very fearful that I am slowly acquiring it.
I finally fell asleep for a while and mommy & daddy slipped out to go pick up somethings at shop rite. When I woke up , mommy made me sow mashed potatoes for dinner and showed me the new candy ( necco, jelly belly kids mix) and she found nathans bigger than the bin gluten free hot dogs too!! I would love to find gluten free pork roll (it's a jersey thing).

Right now I'm on my 5th bottle of water for the day and watching family guy.

But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
-Elle

Every ending is a new beginning.

Today was my last day at VS. My last day was just like my first day there-crazy. Our store is super busy and we have quirky customers to match. They make my day go by quicker and make me laugh.

The one manager who I've become close to said some really kind words to me before I left. It meant a lot to me.

Then I came home to a Facebook message from a friend who is having a hard time adjusting at college as a transfer student. I met him in community college and he stole my seat in our public speaking class. No joke. Hahhaa.

My night has consisted of eating 1 chocolate chip cookie, 1 chocolate pudding, cheese puffs and water. Leggings, tank top and a sweater shirt make my night even more enjoyable.

Hopefully I'll be able to sleep in tomorrow.

I'm the kind you bring home to mama.
-Elle

iPhone app?! Yes please

So with this discovery, I hope to be blogger more. Life has been pretty crazy lately. My celiacs has been just like a roller coaster- up an Down- highs and lows - good days and bad days and worse days. Today it was alright. I think I have colic. Yes colic what baby's get. I have the adult version. Add that to my long list of medical (cant think of the word) malitities.
Good news tho- I got the job at the courthouse. I start on October 3 and I cannot wait!

Tomorrow is my last day at VS. Thank god!!!

Well off to bed/ watching gangland.

I wore a dress, you wore a dark grey t shirt.
- Elle

They Save Us. Who Saves Them?

( this first part of this post was written on August 18th after an episode of Rescue Me. )

Every Wednesday, I try to watch Rescue Me. If you havent see it, its a show (fitictious) about the FDNY and their day to day lives working as firefighters. Now this show has been on tv for 7 seasons and I have tried to watch them all and sometimes, it was hard to watch the episodes due to the raw content, and not because there were scenes of death and bad injury but because my father is a firefighter. He has been a firefighter, Captain, Battalion Chief my whole life. He loves what he does but he rarely tells what exactly he does. Yes he would come home from his 24 hour shift, saying the funny stories from the previous shift and if he went on a run for careless cooking or someones cat was stuck in a tree but he never really told me, maybe he told my mom, the real stuff he did- running into the building first to search for surviors or other things that he didnt want to worry me with. The point is,  I never really knew what he really did.
I never fully understood what the job of a firefighter was until Rescue Me came out. This show is raw, and unforgiving and gave me an insight of what firefighters actually do. Maybe its dramatized for tv or blown out of proportion but it gave me something to see and say, oh thats what my dad does for a living.
When I was little, I remember when my dad came home, my mom and my dad would sit in the kitchen, drinking their coffee and talking about the past shift. As I got older, I sat with them sans coffee and listened. He ususally gave me the watered down version and when I got bored listening to every (boring) detail about his day, I left and then he would give my mom the real story- what really happened at 432 Smith Street or who had to go to the hospital after receiving attention at the ReHab tent at that 4 alarm last night. I got smarter and decided to listen sometimes to the stories from the hallway. Not until a couple of years ago, when I was away at college, I really started to realize the danger firefighters put themselves into.

The point of all this rambling- Last nights episode really hit me hard. Rescue Me is having their series finale on September 7th and fitting its right before the 10th Anniversey of September 11.  The Chief spoke about how heroes arent remember by making walls and monmouments (which I think is a good way of remembering heroes) but they are remembered by speaking about them, telling their stories of heroism and why they left such a lasting impression on you. The Chief spoke about the Vietnam War and how he recieved a letter from the wife of one his men that served under him. Then the Chief spoke about what those firefighters were thinking on the morning of September 11 right before they rushed downtown to do what they were trained to do-save the public. What were those brave and fearless firefighters thinking, writing letters to their loved ones that in the back of their minds they knew they would never see again?

Today is September 11th, and I still think what were those people thinking when they were calling their loved ones to say their last goodbye? What was going through their minds?  Watching the documentries and other tv programs about September 11th is like reliving that day over and over again. The huge question that looms over everyones head is "Where were you on Septemeber 11, 2001?" Everyone remember exactly where they were, who they were with and what they saw.
I was in Ms. Stankovich's 8th Grade Science Class. I was sitting at the lab table inbetween Jacob Stueber and Erin Stewart. It was right after gym class for me and someone ran into the class room and told Ms. Stankovich to put the tv on, something had happened. As she turned the TV on, we saw flames and smoke pouring out of one of the World Trade Towers. I didnt believe it, I didnt understand it then the whole class witnessed something that looked to be out of a horror movie- We saw the second plane fly right into the other Tower. I was 13 at the time and at that moment my world closed in and I remember thinking what is next?! Erin Stewart saw I was upset and said to me" why are you so worried? We are so far away from there, nothing will happen." I knew something would happen but I hoped it didnt.
When I arrived home later that day, I didnt see my dad's car in the usual spot in the drive way. My worst fear came true. My father, a Fire Captain, was in Northern NJ waiting to be deployed to help with the rescue detail at Ground Zero. My mom didnt even have to say it, I knew he was in North Jersey. I think I talked to him later that night; I was trying to be brave and strong but inside I was so worried. I don't remember exactly how long my father was gone for but I do remember him coming home. He looked like a ghost, still covered in grey dust, with a look on his face that was like no other I had ever seen. He didnt talk about what he did nor did he want to. I was happy to have him home, safe and sound.
Not till years later, has the effect of September 11th really hit me. The internet has let me have my hands on thousands of videos, personal stories, offical reports and millions of photos. The photos most of them are burned into my memory because I saw them live, and uncut. Still they all  bring tears to my eyes looking at them. One of the hardest hitting images that I cannot seem to fully understand is a video clip (recently I saw it in 102 minutes that changed America) that you see the smoke from the collpase of one of the towers and you see a fire truck, filled with firefighters speeding into the unknown and you see them dissappear into the dust and smoke and you know that they were probably never seen again.
After watching a documentary entitled "9/11", it gave me a chilling look into the lives of firefighters who were practically the first responders to the scene. They filmed when the first tower fell and what happend afterwards and it was unconcievable that these firefighters were still living. It was an inspring look into the lives of firefighter and how they are trained to do exactly what they did on September 11th- rescue people.That is what firefighters do. That is their lively hood.

America is resilient, strong and proud. We got through this and we can get through anything else.