Monday Monday Monday

It's Monday. I have my new Zara dress on. It's sunny and beautiful out. I am loving this week already. More later

Flashback

So I was sitting at my computer, reading my quote book, and I had this flashback.
Spring 2008 West Virginia Spring Break nighttime. I was doing a habitat for humanity type of spring break project and we were staying at this church- it wasn't small but it wasn't very large. I felt very comfortable here from the moment we stepped in. Now I was never a big fan of church and I always felt weird being inside of one. This one I didn't feel weird I felt at ease. At night after we talked or have an activity we would have some free time. I really didn't have a friend there with me. I was a little bit of a loner and I knew everyone on the trip very well but I kept to myself and at night I found myself coloring (daddy bought me a curious George coloring book and new crayons before the trip), having a snack or (this even surprised me) sitting in the mini chapel that was inside of the church by myself with george ( Leah I think was my secret buddy and she found me my own curious George) just thinking sometimes writing nonsense in my journal. For me it was so peaceful- I sat there some nights wishing I would become close to some people there; other nights I would think about my grandmother, pray that my father was okay at work and pray my mommy was feeling okay. One night I think it was one of the last nights- I was sitting in one of the last pews and Andrew, a boy who was on the trip, a senior, who happened to be very religious. I guess he was making sure everything was locked up and he noticed the mini chapel lights were on. He was surprised to see me, of all the people on the trip, sitting by myself in the chapel at night. He sat in the pew behind me, a little stunned that i was there. He asked if I was okay and we made some small talk. After a bit, he left, leaving me sitting there just as peaceful as I was. We never spoke about him seeing me in there or why I was in there. After a bit, george and I left, shut the lights and went to bed. I never talked about this with anyone but for some reason it popped into my head. The trip itself was wonderful but that was one of the pivotal moments in that trip.

Also one of the nights sitting in the chapel one night, I found a pencil, one of those silly golf pencils. It was red, and it had a saying on it- Prayer Changes Things. I kept that pencil and I still have it.

Prayer changes things, Yo!
-Elle

Thankful, Grateful and Awe

Thanksgiving this year was by far my favorite. It was just my parents and I relaxing all day; my mom and I cooking the mashed potatoes, homemade (gluten free stuffing) and the pork lion ( we have turkey all the time so its really not that special for us). We ate when we got done cooking and we didnt rush to finish nor did we do anything we didnt want to do. With our white cranberry cosmo (mom), Red Wine (dad) and Mikes lite hard lemonade (me) we toasted (salute) to our wonderful life and our gave thanks for everything we had.

The past 5 years or so I have not really enjoyed Christmas but this holiday season I am in LOVE with everything besides decorating a Christmas Tree. I am listening to Christmas music and really enjoying it. I think because I am not working in retail anymore and I can finally enjoy my holidays without being aggravated with the crazy holiday shoppers. My shopping was/is done online and it's mostly done! I think this career was a good choice for me.

to conclude:
being thankful and grateful once a year isnt enough for me- I am thankful each and everyday for my life, my job, my family and the people who I surround myself with. Happy Thanksgiving!


-elle

5 years ago...

I was dating this boy and he had me totally smitten. He held doors open for me, picked me up at my house (in this white car), always paid (even when I offered to pay), watched Disney movies and silly cartoon with me...you can see where I'm going- he was the perfect guy in a Taylor Swift song. When we came home for thanksgiving- we lived in the same town we went to see happy feet. It was a sweet movie but since we decided to go to a late showing, we assumed (you know what happens when you assume) it would be empty. Well we were SOOO wrong An eight year old little girl decided to have a birthday party at the movies and decided to stay up late and watch yup you guessed it- happy feet. It was precious and we laughed about it afterwards. It was a perfect date.
Unfortunatly it didn't work out and years went by and he admitted to me that he had made a mistake hurting me and it has eaten away at him for the past four years. Sweet right?! Well , not really because he graduated and moved outta state. Sounds like another Taylor Swift song right?
We still keep in contact, wishing each other happy birthday but that's it.

SO the whole point of this post was that Happy Feet 2 came out or is coming out this weekend and I got a fit of giggles when I realized that
1. It's been 5 years since we dated
2. Happy feet 2 is out
3. How much I want to call him and see if he wants to go see happy feet 2 this weekend for old times sake.

I will not be doing #3 but it would be nice.

God I feel old. 5 years is a long time.

A whole new world for you and me.
-Elle

I spy

I saw a lot of unique things today. Prisoners outside my window; people in a store I never seen open; I saw other funny things that I just cannot remember now :/
I have the hiccups right now- I do not like it.

So goodnight moon,
And goodnight you,
When you're all that I think about.
-Elle

Disappointed.

Boys have broken my heart in the past. I get it- boy breaks my heart, I mope around, I eat junk food for a week or so, I'm find. But when boys say hurtful and mean words that essentially make me cry- I break. And boys have broken me in the past. This boy said some of the most hurtful things- saying that I don't have my life together because I am not comfortable with driving somewhere at night by myself. Then he went on to compare me to his ex girlfriend who is in med school becoming a doctor- she has her life together and I don't.
I am me that is only who I can be. I know you might look down on me because I don't have clients all over the world And I have a job that pays good (in my opinion), I have an AAS degree which I'm very proud of and yes I did live on a college campus- for 3 years.
You have not only embarrassed your self by what you said but you have lost my respect. And to think I thought you were a good guy.
But I'm not a vindictive person- I am not going to smear you name all over the Internet; I'm not going to talk badly about you to my friends; I am a good girl who will hold her head high and bounce back from this hiccup in my life because that is what I do- I always bounce back and I'm always stronger than I was. THANK YOU for showing me that you are NOT the man of my dreams. The man of my dreams is out there somewhere and I won't lose hope even in my darkest days.

-Elle

Smiles, wishes granted and teddy bears

This week was filled with an array of emotions. Monday I felt frazzled and a little overwhelmed. Tuesday I felt a little less overwhelmed. Wednesday I felt calm and relaxed. Thursday I was nervous and upset. Friday excited nervous and relaxed.

That is eight yes 8 different emotions. In one week. It was beyond crazy and I am so proud because of what I accomplished.

Today is National Adoption Day. I was super prepared and only a little hiccup happened which wasn't really something bad but some unsureness. All the children were Adopted and there were tears (of happiness) laughter, joy, relief and happiness. It was a wonderful day to be part of.

Keep your head up.
-Elle.

It's finally here- national adoption day!!!! Eek. I'm excited but a little nervous but hopeful at the same time. Update later xoxo

Snails, turtles, paint dry

Today is slow (the name that should not be spoken) EXTREMELY slow. All the mail is done, no one is coming in, the phone calls are sporadic and it's quiet as a mouse in here. BUT I'm not complaining one bit!

The sunset was so beautiful last night on my drive home. It started out as pastel pinks and yellows then it transitioned into brilliant bright yellow, orange, hot pink then into deep oranges, reds, and deep purples. It was wonderful to such a brilliant show on my way home from work. It was quite a crazy day but that made my day a little better.
What made my day even better? Mommy made chicken Parmesan with zucchini in these fun little tin foil packets. It made me smile.

The boy texted me this random text:

8 to 9...9 to 10 we are meeting for the first time we might never meet again you and me we are meeting for the first time can't you see 7 6 5 4 3

I had no idea what he was talking about. We have been trying to meet and it totally confused me.then it hit me its a coldplay song. Typical.

I slept like a baby again. I had a weird dream that included skiing in Montana and a mutual friends son. Weird.

It's almost lunchtime! Maybe a stroll over to the library will wake me up.

Wake me up before you go-go
Wake me up before you go-go
-Elle

Its beginning to look a lot like.... FALL

This weekend was relaxing and non productive.

I got to speak to the boy this weekend which was nice because it was more than just 5 minutes.  Our mutual friend, might be right about him. BUT im not counting my chickens or jumping the gun or anything like that but I am hopeful about the future.

I have a full week this week unlike last week- where I had 2 days off. BUT the most exciting part of this week is NATIONAL ADOPTION DAY on friday. Technically it on Saturday but we dont work on Saturday so its on Friday for us. I am very proud to be part of this- which me only having 72 hours to learn EVERYTHING there is about adoption for someone who has been doing it 23 years?! Its pretty impressive in my book. It was a lot of work and I still ahve a lot to do this week. But I can do it!

Tuesday is going to be 5 months gluten free!!! I have been feeling a whole lot better than May. I have my mother to thank for that!

Well, off to prepare for another crazy week.

You need to have a little faith, not everyone you love is going to leave you.

-elle

Lucky ducky

Hi all the anonymous people out that visit my blog. I don't know you but you get to know a little about me and my crazy life.

Today is Veterans day. I tear up every time I read about a veterans coming home, a photo of a veteran etc. I am so proud of our troops and what they do. Risking their lives for our freedom I am old enough to know friends who are veterans.

I got the red, white and blue flying high.

I am proud to be an American today, tomorrow and forever.
-Elle

11.11.11

It's official. My 3 day weekend starts as of 11 minutes ago.

It's 11/11/11. The luckiest day of the decade. It's a popular wedding day too.

I want to pose a question to you: what are you wishing for today?

I asked a good friend the same question before and he answers "inner peace". He poses the question back to me and I was stumped. I answered "creativeness". But honestly I don't know what I would really wish for. Of course I would love to be a millionaire or have a house of my own or a range river or I could go on forever. I have every thing I need right now. Family, health, shelter, employment- I'm pretty content. Life is good for me right now- I feel very blessed.

Life makes love look hard.
-Elle.

Finally free

I'm finally free from VS. It feels sooo good.


Do you know what else feels good?? Working today and tomorrow and having a 3 day weekend!!!!

God I love life!!!
- Elle

dreams

so I had some pretty crazy dreams this past weekend and I decided to look them up in a dream interpreter and this is what came up:

To dream that you are arrested by the police suggest that you feel sexually or emotionally restrained because of guilt. The dream may also be a metaphor that you are feeling apprehensive about something.

To see or eat pizza in your dream represents abundance, choices and variety. it may also indicate that you are lacking or feeling deprived of something. alternatively, a pizza may have similar significance to a circle.

really!?!


damn girl you do it well, and i thought you were innocent.
-Elle xoox

I'm a turtle

Yes, I am a human but figuatively a turtle- let me explain

With my past in relationships- eh, there lack of, the guys I have dated always havent been mr. wonderful. At the time in my life, I thought they were wonderful, yet when I look back, I wonder what the hell was I thinking?! So I'm 23 right now and a friend introduced me to a wonderful man. I've been talking to him, for a bit and we have been having a hard time finally meeting- one weekend something came up and this weekend he had to go into work (for a bit). Well I have been so excited to meet him and I was looking forward to this all week and I even told the girls at work- which I  rarely talk about my personal life at work- and at first on friday night he said wasnt sure what time he is avaible tomorrow (ie saturday) and he would text me in the morning. Morning came and I had a text messge waiting for me and he said that He got called into work and can we move it to later today. I was crushed AGAIN and I didnt think and I just wrote, "WE CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT IT." I was so mad. He texted me later apologizing and asking why I was so rude about it. That was the end of my string and I blew up at him and said finally" You're a nice guy. Go find another girl who can deal with your crazy schedule and your lifestyle. Our lifestyles are completely different. We  just wont work. good bye."
WHY DID I SAY THIS?!?!

Then later that night  I texted him" I'm stubborn, irrational at times, i jump to conclusions way too early. I'm sorry. I was rude and arrogant. I try to protect myself from getting hurt and i push people away. i'm sorry. :("
 He says in paraphrasing- i have no idea what that has to do with me pushing us hanging out by a few hours. all i could say was i was just trying to apologize and explain why i did that. I havent heard from him since.
I screwed up royally with this guy. I am the first one to admit it. I jumped down his throat and not even asking any questions such as " what time were you thinking?" or " oh okay, maybe tomorrow?" no I just jumped to the conclusion and shut down

Now I am getting to the point of me being a turtle. When ever a guy got close to me and I got the feeling he was getting to know me too well, I would shut down and block him out IE. I would crawl back into my shell and try to forget about it.
When ever I think someone is trying to change my world aka my bubble, I get scared and i run away. I only do this in my dating life- go back into my shell and try to forget about what happened.

I am a turtle and I need help with it. =/

Flying solo part duex

Golly today was a crazy busy day. After running to the JCX 4 times and dealing with secretaries, I was exhausted. Thank god I wore flats today! Adoption day is finally coming together!

Another crazy day is ahead of me and something exciting to look forward to on Saturday =]

This city is my city
And I love it, yeah I love it
I was born and raised here
I got it made here
And if I have my way, I'm gonna stay
-Elle